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The Illusion of Control: Stop Lying to Yourself
The world is random, we are powerless, and why it’s time to accept that. Unpacking the Illusion of Control The idea of being “in control” is a funny thing. For starters, we can’t control anything other than our emotional response to a situation. While knee-jerk reactions are a real thing, we’re in charge of whether they get to stick around or not. And that’s the end of us being able to control anything, if we can go as far to even say that’s control. We think we’re in control when we make decisions about our lives, but therein lies the illusion. We “control” the choice, sure, but we’re powerless over the…
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Happy New Year & Other Crap Expectations
New year, new you — right? That’s what we tell ourselves when we hit this fairly unremarkable day on the calendar. There’s nothing special about it on its face. It’s a day that ends a month that also happens to end a year. Time is only a construct because we made it one. So, why do we put so much pressure on this one little 24-hour block? Most of it’s based in hope. Here’s to the end of this old, busted thing and the beginning of a new, shiny thing. New things are good because they’ll be different from old things, right? Some people throw their hopes, dreams, and goals…
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Stop Trying to “Save” Everyone: It’s Toxic.
Why we do it, why it’s bad, and how to stop. We’ve all heard “you can’t help ’em if they don’t want to be helped” or “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink,” but knowing that doesn’t stop us from reaching out when people are hurting. I’ve got this friend I adore who recently buried herself in a series of terrible choices that have completely altered the trajectory of her life. As her friend sitting on the sidelines, I want to help, especially in such a complex situation. Initially, my role in this was that of listener. I heard her while she got her…
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How to Stop Overthinking and Driving Yourself Crazy
“But, what if…?” It’s the kiss of death for your mental health, especially if you’re an overthinker who’s been mentally and emotionally beaten down. For me, I wanted to know why the person who promised to be my world was so delighted to hurt me. And I wanted to know what I’d done to “deserve” it. Why wasn’t I enough, and, mostly, what the hell just happened? Sadly, many of us won’t get that closure. And let’s be real — if you had the chance to ask the questions, would you trust the answers? When you’re coming out of a toxic relationship (of any kind) with someone who’s deliberately spun…
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Coming Home: How To Reclaim Your Space after Abuse
If you lived with your abuser, or if your abuser spent any real time in your home, then you probably still see the memories — good, bad, and horrific — play out like movie clips right in front of you. Maybe you hear his laugh and smile sadly for the sweetness that once was. Or… you hear him yelling and wince at the malicious delight in his eyes when he sees that he hurt you. Maybe you even dread going home because you don’t want to keep reliving these moments, seeing and feeling the ghosts of what was, trying to push through the longing for what should have been. Maybe…
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15 Things to Know about Being Mental
I’ve learned that if you can’t laugh at your mental illness(es) sometimes, you really will lose your damn mind — and your sense of self. I’ve lost both. Then I found ’em chasing each other through the broken glass of a downtown alley, cut myself up dragging them back against their will. If you love someone who’s living life despite their mental illness, there are some things you might appreciate knowing so you both stay a little more sane. That said, I’m not a licensed professional and this is purely anecdotal and from my own experiences and work with my therapist. This kind of took on a life of its…
