The Curse of Overthinking…
Trying to ward off the curse of overthinking seems futile. You know you’re going down sketchy paths of your own creation, but you can’t stop yourself from careening into the abyss. The struggle is real …and exhausting.
That’s where I’ve been. Between wrapping up the school year and a sideways personal life, I just kinda struggled to come up with something important to say. I want to post regularly, of course, but I find myself, well, overthinking the whole thing and stagnating in a pit of doubt.
If you’re an overthinker, you get it.
Try as you might, sometimes you just can’t get out of the feedback loop. Then one thing triggers another and you’re free falling …and not in the cool Tom Petty way.
The crap part is that it usually ends up pouring out of you at the exact wrong moment, landing on the face of some poor soul who wasn’t ready. The word vomit comes so fast that you don’t even really know what you’re saying. Sadly, it’s usually all over someone you really care about. At best, they hug you through it. At worst, they word vomit back, and it’s “hello, new shame spiral!”
Overthinking is paralyzing. That’s where I’m at. I’ve got all these ideas I want to throw out there, but I just can’t seem to figure out the best way to present them to the world. They’re relevant, and I want them to be perfect.
Overthinking totally freezes you up in the daily things.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stared at this screen and tried to sort it. Stare at the screen. Stare out the window. Back to the screen. Sigh.
That’s when I realized that “overthinking” was the topic. So many of my people are stuck in this same place, so let’s talk about what it looks like and how to shut up the mental chaos.
The Skinny
According to Psychology Today, overthinking exists in two forms: ruminating and worrying. Ruminating, of course, is obsessing about the past, while the future consumes a worrier. Either way, you’re just spinning your wheels.
There’s nothing wrong with remembering lessons from your past as you face familiar situations. We’re wired to draw from prior experiences. It’s smart, even. Can you imagine having to approach everything like it’s the first time you’ve been there? Ugh.
But when overthinking becomes routinely negative or obsessive, you’re just killing yourself. Kinda literally, actually, according to research. You get into those ruts and you can’t function. You’re not productive. Even basic adulting can fall to the wayside. At its extreme, overthinking can lead to depression, anxiety, and a slew of other mental health issues. A lot of people tend to turn to substance abuse to try and quiet the noise, which has its own consequences.
And anyone who has ever fallen victim to overthinking can attest to the sleepless nights spent counting down the clock: “If I can just fall asleep in the next three minutes…”
Obviously, a lack of sleep or poor sleep quality when you actually get there isn’t helping anyone. Nothing more fun than crap sleep and waking up in a bad mood with a noisy brain that’s now angry it couldn’t rest.
Fortunately, there are things you can do to gain traction.
If overthinking is caused by reflecting too obsessively on the past or stressing out about the future, then the obvious answer is to be present. Right? Hysterical advice to give to an overthinker, I know, but it really is that simple.
If you Google “how to stop overthinking,” you’ll get a bazillion to-do lists back. Videos, too. Some folks narrow it down to three things, some ten. Some people give very specific action items, while others are more zen about it. Ultimately, though, everyone’s talking about being present.
To kind of synthesize all the help out there — you just have to start paying attention to yourself more. Here’s a kind of “best of the best” list based on the various sources I poked around in and my own personal successes.
Awareness
That stuff is going to pop in there from time to time. Acknowledge it, realize you’re on a circus ride and focusing on negative things you can’t do anything about, then hit the brakes. Gets easier with practice. Trust me on that one. In order to do anything about it, though, you have to realize that’s what’s happening. So, start there.
Substitution
Once you realize you’re in a death spiral, make an active effort to replace the thinking. Even if you don’t believe yourself at first, keep doing it. Call it out for what it is. Remind yourself you’re fine. Sometimes, you can even reach out to others to help you shut it all up. Worried that you said or did something that hurt someone or got misconstrued? Ask them. And then believe them. And then allow yourself some peace.
Learn From It
The past is the past. You can’t change it. Accept that. What you can do, and what’s actually helpful when you’re stuck in that fog, is think about how you’ll do things differently next time you’re presented with a similar situation. Give yourself action items. If you’re going to keep replaying something negative in your head like that, you might as well get some use out of it. Beating yourself up about it or just letting it make you stagnant is useless. Forgive yourself. You can’t change the past.
When it comes to the worrier stuck in the future that hasn’t happened yet, take the lessons from the past and do the same thing. Think about the ways that you’ll approach the issue next time it pops up. Think about ways to actively avoid the thing you might be worried about (or procure, if that’s the case). Set goals. Action, not passivity. And stop freaking out about something that hasn’t even happened yet. You’re in charge.
Get It Out
Talking to someone helps a bunch. Whether that’s a trusted friend, a therapist, or just writing in a journal, getting it out of your body is a great way to release. Don’t just whine, though. Reflect. Be aware. Develop healthy coping strategies. Create action items to get you where you want to go. Create lists of things you’ve learned from the experiences. Change behaviors where necessary to get where you want to get.
The process of talking/writing is therapeutic in and of itself. People need connections and need to feel heard. If you’re not comfortable sharing, though, the journaling idea is a great way to find some calm. Don’t worry about what it sounds like. You’re not publishing. Just go for it.
The biggest thing is not to dwell. Say the thing and be done with it. Set a timer if you have to. If you’re not done by the ding, come back to it tomorrow and set the timer again. Staying in the purge too long becomes its own problem. Take my word for it!
Distract Yourself
I’m the queen of this one. We’ve all got our own ways, but when the noise is too loud in my head, I need external noise to cancel that out. I usually seek out my people and go talk about things that aren’t a part of my mental tailspinning. It’s wonderful. Yes, please, tell me about the funny thing your cat did today. And you have pictures?? Score.
I’ll write, too, if I can. Play your favorite jams and dance around your place like a fool. Clean something. Those dishes your overthinking has been causing you to avoid? Wash ’em. Laundry? Vacuuming? Paint, draw, run, cook, sing, fish, binge watch something, play cards, read, play video games — do anything that you enjoy and that can allow you to break the cycle.
In the end…
In the end, you’ve just gotta catch it when it’s happening, recognize it for what it is, and choose the best dismissal tactic for it. Make sure you pick a way that actually processes the issue and not just numbs it.
If you can have a healthy conversation with someone about what’s consuming you, go for it. Don’t go all codependent here, though, and don’t pick fights.
If you can distract yourself long enough to come back to it rationally so that you give yourself the chance to create a game plan around it? Do that.
Ultimately, take a breath. Be still. Is it a crisis? Right now, in the moment of freaking out, are you dying? Be present. Gain some perspective around the thing. Realize that it’s either done or hasn’t happened yet, and stop. Shut the circus ride down. You’re in charge.
Good luck, lovelies.
Have action strategies to stop overthinking that worked for you and wanna share ’em with us? That’d be awesome. Drop ’em in the comments section.
Featured Photo by Cristina Pop on Unsplash
